R.I.P. Cole

We're having one of those days today. The kind that just makes you want to crawl back in bed and never get out. I'm not sure if there's one thing that has gone as planned on this random Tuesday in November. There was a meeting I didn't get to, tears over being late for school, tears for our sick kitty, a play date for an excited four year old that we also couldn't get to...you know, because of the car that wouldn't start, not to mention the husband that drove to Chicago for a doctor appt in a car without heat (and blowing freezing cold air that wouldn't turn off, I might add) all on this fabulous 10° morning. No thank you "random Tuesday in November". This wasn't in our plans for today.

Another heavy part of this day is that in about an hour we're going to be putting our cat down. Precious Cole. The cat who makes us a family of 6 according to the kids, not 5. The cat who was proud and snobby and not much for company, but came alive when we had kids. He's been pulled on and chased and picked up and stuffed in baby strollers and forts and boxes and on certain days has even allowed necklaces to be placed around his neck. He's the cat who follows the kids around outside like a babysitter, who sits on the swingset when they swing and comes to the house with them when they're done. The cat who used to go on walks with us. Who would race to catch up with us if we left without him. He's THAT cat. And he's dying today...on this random, messy Tuesday in November. We're sure going to miss him. Like CRAZY miss him.

The goodbye photos we took this morning

Fighting for smiles.
I told them to think about their favorite times with Cole

So this morning I had to get down on my muddy floor [from the boots my six year old was stomping around and crying in] and act like the mud wasn't there. I plopped down beside her, wiped her tears away and brushed those sweet little locks behind the smallest, cutest ears ever made by God. I told her we make our own plans for each day, but sometimes things just don't go the way we would like. But no matter what, this is still the day God's given us, let's look for the good in it. I sort of feel like we're going to have to pry our eyes open with crow bars today to find it, but I know it's there. HERE. In this messy, sad day.

Here's to searching for joy on a day when there just doesn't seem like there's joy to be had. R.I.P. Cole. 

You've been a fabulous cat and the source of much JOY.

so handsome. so much attitude in those kitty eyes of his.

But so much LOVE too.
This is when Rowan was just born.
Cole...always the babysitter.

He put up with anything.
Rowan broke him down slow. 

He learned to love the attention.

On Halloween one year we dressed him up as a witch
...against Derek's wishes of course!

He's begging for attention here.
Someone, anyone...
just bother me. 

Bin Cat

Ni-Night Cat

Tent Cat

Movie Cat

Little People Cat

Basket Cat

Tree Cat

Princess Cat

Beautiful Snobby Cat

Hunted Cat

Sack of Potatoes Cat

OUR CAT

on pause again

I think that best describes the last month for us. On pause. We were trucking along...living life and moving onward and upward...or at least trying to. Then came the news that our Pastor's young daughter was transferred to a Chicago Hospital. She was on a ventilator and unable to move. Derek and I both walked around for days with knots in our stomachs. We still are, actually. Our eyes looking back up to the heavens once again and crying out for MERCY, HEALING, GRACE. Over and over and over... 

I think it's fair to say we've been spinning our wheels a little. We're good, don't get me wrong. This just brings a lot of emotions to the forefront. We remember those days. We still relive them every now and again. And now there are people we admire and love in their own battle...and it's a little girl that is the one suffering. That sweet family...in the throws of it all. We hear it's going to be a long haul for them. We know about the long haul...the unknowns, the hospital rooms, the tubes, the tired, the endless number of procedures, and having your faith stretched until you feel like gumby. It's hard to understand all that family is enduring...words cannot contain what it is for them, I'm sure. Especially for that young girl. Unthinkable really. But I also remember the sweet presence of our Lord and what he had for us when we were there. I keep saying that to people and they look at me like I'm weird. What God has for them in the NOW...in the HARD. It's the worst and the best all in one. What I mean by that is the way God sees you thru when you continually look to him. Psalm 34:18 says "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." We've all heard that verse before...maybe so much so that we breeze right past it. But the truth remains...He is so close...so close to those who hurt and struggle. The circumstances our friends are in might not be what we want for them, but they are being held and carried by THE Everlasting arms...and there is no better place in all this world than that. There truly can be peace in the storm when we keep our eyes on Him and not ourselves or our circumstances. If you've read their caring bridge at all, you'd know what I mean. Their faith is an amazing testimony. Eyes.On.Him. Amazing.

If you read my blog regularly, you might have noticed I haven't written in awhile. Like I mentioned...we've been on pause...and that has included my writing. This blogging thing is tricky. It's like a one way microphone to who knows where. I sit here and type and share about my heart, my family, my faith...and I have no idea where it lands. I think we all know there are people out there who might not always have the best intentions when it comes to reading blogs and doing google searches and following people's lives. That reality hit me a few weeks ago, and I froze. I flipped the privacy switch and shut this train down. And I prayed. I'm praying still. And to be completely honest, I'm still not so sure I want us to be "out there" and available. Sharing and being open allows people a small peek into your world. I'm still trying to figure out what is best for us. We feel called to share our story, truly...there's no doubt about that. But does it need to be done in the form of this blog? That is the question we're asking ourselves. I also don't want fear to get the best of me and keep me from something God is in. So we'll see. My heart keeps writing, that much I know.

In His name, we overcome. I've been saying that to myself for a month or so now. In His NAME, we overcome... unexpected illnesses, piles and piles of medical bills, pipes bursting in living rooms, cars breaking down (cars plural), even painting kitchen cabinets (truly noteworthy) and who knows...maybe even our fears of blogging. In.His.Name.

camo

Derek brought home a puppy a month or so ago. Yes...A PUPPY. I joke with him that he must have thought my life was getting too easy again. I survived him almost dying and months of unknowns pertaining to his health...and then there's this puppy. [sigh...] I would have to say she ranks up there among the things I've had to persevere thru this year. To say the least, she's a LOT of work. On a normal day she enjoys eating mice and moles, jumping, biting, scratching, peeing on the porch and knocking down little people. She's a TERROR. We named her Camo, for camoflauge. I have to admit she does have the cutest perky ears and looks like a little seal. But I'm still trying to figure out why we thought this was a good idea. ? Not too long ago she ate rat poison we had hidden in the barn. She found it and gobbled it up in the blink of an eye. Yep. She should have died. But what we did we do? Rushed her to the vet...SHE LIVES. 

There's one thing she does that I actually like. She plays soccer. 

Rigby's first day of preschool

This is an extra special day. I'm writing two blog posts AND more importantly, Rigby had his first day of preschool. How is it possible that my sweet lil' Rig is big enough for school? I feel like I was still carrying him on my hip at this time last year. Ok, maybe that's not completely accurate...but at this time last year he was still the baby.

Rig was echoing his big sister in the days leading up to today...saying he didn't want to go to school. I'm pretty sure he meant it though. But thankfully, Rig is pretty easy going. He walked right into the classroom he said he didn't like [which made me chuckle...I DON'T like this place Mom], hung up his backpack and started to play. He even posed for a picture or two with me. ? Easy peasy.

so handsome.
he's never looked this grown up.

there's nothing like a hug from big sis

ohhh the cuteness. dimples and all.

i DON'T like this place mom

sentimental mommy

hanging up his backpack.
you know, big boy stuff.

and of course, playing and smiling
before I could even get out of the room

a few projects and a whole lot of CRAZY

Projects. Could I have ANY more? I've been drowning a little in work the last week or two. I took on one project, then another popped up, and another...and then a few friends asked for help...and here I am. Swimming in them. I think I'm working on 6 different things, and have a handful (or two) waiting in the wings. Don't get me wrong...I love it. It's just been awhile. Life has been on hold for nine months. This is just a little weird to be honest. Me, doing something other than ... well, whatever it is we've been doing all these months. Surviving, I guess? Surviving is hard work :)

Derek and I have been having some heart to hearts lately {which I love by the way}...just talking about the reality of all that is this gora life. We've been pretty quiet about it around here, but every once in awhile one of us just needs to talk. It's funny how that works. We'll just be trucking along and then one of us will stop...pause...and in disbelief ask the other if we really just went thru all this. We're still processing it all. Talking thru the moments. Shaking our heads. Crying a little. And somehow, we keep finding ourselves praising God that He chose US to suffer THIS. Sounds crazy, right? Being thankful for something so hard. But we truly are. We're different because of it. We see God in everything...I don't want to lose that. I think we're both afraid that this world is going to dig it's heels in again and we'll go back to wearing those smudged up glasses. Still seeing Him, loving Him...but from a distance. Right now we're still close to it. IT being that hurt and circumstance that screamed a deeper faith into our hearts. People probably think we're crazy for how we see life right now. God in everything? Yep. We're crazy all right. Please life, let us stay CRAZY. 

And you know...[just for the record] I don't share these things because we want to sound good or look holy or anything like that. We're far from either of those. We're still broken like the rest of this world and most days get a big fat stinking F on the ol' life report card. No joke...you should have seen my display of madness today when I left late to pick up Rowan from school and I realized I forgot my phone. MY PHONE. Oh no. The world was going to end. I'm shaking my head as I type this...[bad Mommy]. I yelled, turned the car around [like a psycho I might add] and went back and got the treasured "waste of time" or as others like to call it..."cell phone". Poor Rigby. He must think I'm nuts. See...I got an F today. Not good, and oh, SO not holy. As always, a day full of reminders that I need a savior. And maybe a day off. Geez.

Back to the good stuff. How about those projects? I've decided I need to keep my life simple and stick with one blog. I've been trying to keep my design business blog going...but that's just impossible for this momma of 3. So whatever I'm working on is going to find it's way on here. So brace yourselves. It's about to get a little crafty around here.

I'm helping a friend with some centerpieces at the moment. We're using some of my favs...wheat grass, burlap, twine, pheasant feathers. Seriously -- these are going to be the loveliest little creations EVER. I will share the final photo once all the parts and pieces are assembled, but it will be a few days yet before we're there. We decided they needed a little whimsy added in so I pulled out the ol' chalkboard paint. I spent the morning cutting up a diaper box to create these little flags and painted them [please see the small red child sized paint brush below]. Whatever works my friends. I'm the queen of wing...meaning, I almost always wing it. 

I didn't even measure.
I prefer when things look home made!

my painting skills are top notch aren't they?
thank goodness chalk board paint dries beautifully

one assembled mini flag and burlap flower
using some wooden kitchen skewers as stands

I can barely stand the cuteness.
Just waiting for their destination...

copper and wool

It's a love story people! August 25th marks our 7th year of marriage. Seven whole whopping years. It doesn't seem like enough really. I feel like I've been with this man forever [but in a good way] :) I can still remember the very first day I saw his sweet face. We were at Liberty Bible Church...he came in late and sat right next to me during service. It was like magic was in the air. We might have even shared a Bible that day... [awwww]. I saw him later in the lobby, someone introduced him to a friend standing next to me. But no one ever introduced us. We just stole glances at one another thru the crowds of friends. That image of him standing against that wall in the Liberty lobby will forever be burned into my brain. I could have married him right then...{**swoon**}

Our paths crossed again later that day at a baseball game. We finally spoke. I remember how perfect the moment seemed. He was playing baseball...it was a gorgeous day...love was in the air...and then THUD. Derek had a head on collision with another guy on the field. It was NOT pretty...let me tell ya. And that pretty much sums up the story of our lives...lol. An amazing love story with a surprising THUD every now again...clearly sent by God to keep our heads out of the clouds.

From there it was lots of googaley eyes and smiling ear to ear...and driving around in his truck with me sitting in the middle of the benchseat...and talking on the phone for entire nights and then dragging ourselves to work without any sleep. Thank goodness we met and married within a year. Otherwise the people around us might have seriously died from our giddiness. No joke. We layed it on THICK :)

look at us lovebirds.
this was when he would get mad if i wasn't sitting next to him.
like i mean RIGHT next to him.

We went to one of our favorite places last night to celebrate this love story of ours...Heston's Bar and Grill in New Buffalo. We LOVE that place. It's simple and full of giant slabs of yummy meat. And they basically have no vegetables on the menu. It's our dream place :) 

We sat and munched on cheese and crackers and ate coconut shrimp and sent funny text messages to our very best friends on earth {Luke and Michelle}. I think the waitress was annoyed with us...who goes out to dinner and texts people? WE DO. Not normally though. On normal nights we don't touch our phones during dinner. But on a night when we celebrate our wedding, our life together...let it be known that WE TEXT THOSE TWO PEOPLE. I hope we do it for the rest of our lives...send them messages from wherever we are on our anniversary. They've been with us thru it all. From THUD number one to the latest and biggest of all THUDS...and everything in between. They're woven into this story of us.

I secretly snapped a picture of the old couple sitting near us at Heston's last night and sent it to them while we ate. Knowing one day it will be us. All four of us...old and silver haired with faces full of laugh lines that show we really lived this gift called life. I can just see us sitting there talking about our grandkids and our yards and about the good old days when we would can pickles and relish and jams on a whim while kids tore thru the house laughing and fighting. And the guys will be sitting there and smile those goofy grins at each other and will be totally drinking beers, both still probably packing heat and dreaming about old trucks.

see what I mean about beer and goofy grins and staring at each other???

We were married at their house, you know. In their YARD. It was one of the best days of my life. Perfect really. It rained hard that morning...but just hard enough to make the grass the most beautiful green color imaginable that afternoon. I remember everyone being worried around us...that RAIN. The chairs would be wet, it could be muddy; we hadn't really planned for a storm. It was an outside wedding and reception. But you know, ask anyone around us, we didn't care. We were ready to dance in the rain...make the most of whatever the day brought. And, oh did we dance. Like only the crazy Gora family can.

I thought a more lovie pic would be better here
than one of Bob doing his famous floor crawl :)

So here we are. We made it to another anniversary. We have SO MUCH to be thankful for. It's been quite a year, right? We're on the backside of another unplanned torrential downpour...one that wore heavy on our hearts but in the end has refined our very souls. That RAIN. It's hard to see thru but it really does make the ol' grass greener. I'm looking forward to what the future holds for the little family of ours...all the good [and hard] years ahead. To the dinners out at Heston's Bar with our bestest of friends...to all the mornings ahead sitting on our porch reading our Bibles and listening to the leaves rustle while the kids crawl all over us...and to the nights ahead where the only THUD we hear is Rigby falling out of bed [this totally just happened by the way!].

Happy anniversary to my camoflauge wearing, beer loving, THUD surviving dream of a husband.

Love you babe. xo.

It is well

I'm up to my ears this morning in house cleaning and interior projects...not to mention the fam, but I had to take a few minutes to blog otherwise it may NEVER happen. I'm trying to type as quiet as I can...in a few minutes the three people that are able to walk will be crowding me and asking me for things. :)

So where do I start? How about with the biggest and best happenings as of late.

NUMBER 1!
Derek is in the clear and released to work! Yep. We're back. It's August now, which means this is month of EIGHT of Derek being off work. [um, totally crazy, right?] So it is beyond awesome and a huge praise that he's been medically released to be a working man again. I can't believe we've even been able to make ends meet with no income to speak of for all this time. I know I repeat this ALOT. But my heart is overwhelmed really and it comes to mind often. It's been the amazing and giving people in our church, our family and dear friends, and those crazy ironworkers who have kept us afloat...and I'm sure the many who have even given to us without us even knowing. May God bless these people. Seriously. We have our home and food and new school backpacks because people gave to us from their very own pockets. Thank you all from the very deepest spot in my heart. Not having to worry about these things has really helped us to focus on what really matters in this life of ours...the people in it. That's been HUGE for us. It's been a long road and what you've all really given us is time to heal. And that my friends is priceless.

NUMBER 2!
Derek graduated and officially has his "book" and a degree! That means if he can find a job, he'll be able to make that full ironworkers wage. Whooo-hooo! Plus, he graduated ya'll. I'm so proud of him. He worked hard these passed 3 years going to class, doing homework [like every night...ew] and working full time to make this happen. He really is the King of Iron [a nickname from school he may never live down...ha].

being a goof...
waiting to make it official

sweet victory!

great job guys
all that hard work payed off!!

DEREK GORA
[aka...king of iron]

NUMBER 3!
We have a kindergarten-er...if that's even a word. Our little Rowan Mae is growing up. She had been saying for weeks that she did NOT want to go. But when the time came, she didn't even shed a tear [she left that for her Momma]. She is loving it too. The little homework papers, her new lunch box, recess with cousins, using pencils and erasing...the little sweet details that make this time so special for her. I pray blessings upon this child. That she will grow and live and give all of her heart to her God. That she will be a light in this world and in her classroom. Yes, I want her to learn and have dreams and be a genius, if she must. But more than all that, I want her to live each day fully to the One that makes all that possible. In the days before she started school I talked to her a lot about this God of ours. How He has a plan for her life. How he protects her and that she never needs to fear because her God is with her.

The night before she started school she asked me to read a story from her Bible. She chose "The Captain of the Storm" from Mark 4 and Matthew 8. And I love the way God works by the way. She chose the very bedtime story she needed to get her thru her own fear...that dreaded first day of school. It's the story of when Jesus falls asleep in the boat and that crazy storm comes...and his friends are scared sick because the waves are so high and crashing so hard that they are sure the boat is going to tip. Thru their eyes, it's chaos and fear. But they forgot that they're not alone in the boat. That big, huge FORCE that is God was there the whole time. He awakes and with a word..." 'Hush!'...the strangest thing happened. The wind and the waves recognized Jesus' voice"...and all the storm became still and quiet. This actually meant something to Rowan because one of her favorite songs to sing is It is Well by Kristene Dimarco. There's a part in the song that says "the waves and wind still know His name". This gave me the opportunity to explain the words she sings regularly. That even the wind and waves obey God...nothing can get in the way of the good plan He has for those that are His. Her eyes lit up to make the connection. A big truth, but simple enough to connect the dots. Gotta love that gospel.

We belted this song out on our drive to school Wednesday morning. Just me and my little fearful five year old. Praise God for a timely word and song.

So yes, my dear little one. Thru it ALL, keep your eyes on Him. Trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name. Just like all those years ago on a boat carrying our Jesus and his friends. A good truth for us all. Five years old or over thirty five.

It is well friends. Jesus is in the boat with us.

mr. eames

Two of my very good friends sent me a surprise in the mail the other day. I got a strange email telling me to go to DO [my old office] to pick up a package. I should have known they'd do something crazy. These two girls...big hearted, mischevious and beloved friends...who I miss SO much. I spent hours a day [for years] next to these two creative minds...designing, dreaming, celebrating each other's successes, and even torturing ourselves over the projects we hated. We shared ideas and had crazy nights out dancing and acting like nuts. Instant friends and confidants from the moment we met...and that's hard to find in the competitive interior design world. We planned our weddings together. Did life together. And everything is different now. They both moved away, on to bigger dreams. And I left the design world for my dream...{thegoralife}...these 3 beautiful babies and my rock star husband :). I know we're all happy where we are. But I still miss those days. Such sweet memories. Such good friends. So I guess I shouldn't be so surprised by this unexpected and over the top delightful gift. 

They called it a "baby" gift. But I'm pretty sure it's more for ME than baby Rage...lol. Most people don't even know how amazing this gift is. I guess you sort of have to be into interior design or modern furniture and architecture to get it. And I'm POOR. Like dirt poor after Derek's dance with death. So fancy designer objects do not make their way into our house. So this really means a lot to this Momma. Thank you my lovelies. My jaw is still on the ground.

Hello Eames Elephant. I love you :)

even the box is amazing

Rowan and Rage testing out Mr. Eames
{so cute}

I love the look on little Rage's face...
he knows he's really something up there

and the big kids had some fun too...
bubble wrap anyone?

I told him to act like an elephant...hee hee

{precious elephant riding babe}

Rig is 4

Our Rigby turned 4 this year. How is that possible? It's been a year of transition for this little man. Not too long ago he was the baby around here, and now he's a big brother. And I'm not joking about the BIG part. This kid is about 60lbs and only four years old...and not fat or chunky at all. He's just solid. I always joke that his bones must be heavy...seriously...we can't figure it out. At the beginning of my pregnancy with Rage I had to quit picking up both kids because I had placenta previa. By the time the baby was born, I couldn't pick Rigby up even if I wanted to. We used to call him Biggy when he was a baby...a nickname he may never lose.

Besides the fact that he's huge size wise, this kid also has a HUGE heart. He is always willing to compromise with his sister, usually getting the short end of the deal. If he has a handful of candy, he'll even give you the last couple. He's just that kind of guy. He tells his friends he loves them and always asks for an extra hug at night when I tuck him in. My guess is that he gets this from his Daddy...that guy is ALL heart too.

Rigby also says the most hilarious things. I love to hear him tell stories. No one can say it quite like Rig. He has the sweetest giggle and loves to be tickled and wrestle. He also acts like a weirdo whenever people come over or he meets someone new...like he'll hide behind a door and make animal sounds and throw things into the room where we are. ? I'm told Derek used to do this when he was little too. Another thing we can blame on him :)

He also loves to NOT wear clothes. This is sort of our biggest issue with him. He prefers underwear. JUST underwear. He refuses to wear clothes with buttons...pants, shorts, even shirts. The kid will not wear jeans. If bottoms must be worn, you better believe the waistband will be stretchy. It's like he wears old man clothes. I can't tell you how many times Derek has come home and said, "I want him wearing clothes." It's a daily battle. We...may...never...win.

He loves all things Ninja Turtle and camouflage. Dinosaurs are also on the top of his list...as you can see by the shirt he insisted wearing for his birthday party. It was HIS birthday, I couldn't force the kid to wear the preppy shirt Momma had picked out :)

Look at those brown eyes...dreamy and sweet

Opening his presents!

Cake, need I say more?

his very own ride

Daddy giving him some helpful advice...
holding the pedal down was a challenge for some reason!

kawabunga dude

I thought these were so cute!

We even made our very own ninja turtle lanterns.
Thank you pinterest!