Friday, October 17, 2014

on pause again

I think that best describes the last month for us. On pause. We were trucking life and moving onward and upward...or at least trying to. Then came the news that our Pastor's young daughter was transferred to a Chicago Hospital. She was on a ventilator and unable to move. Derek and I both walked around for days with knots in our stomachs. We still are, actually. Our eyes looking back up to the heavens once again and crying out for MERCY, HEALING, GRACE. Over and over and over... 

I think it's fair to say we've been spinning our wheels a little. We're good, don't get me wrong. This just brings a lot of emotions to the forefront. We remember those days. We still relive them every now and again. And now there are people we admire and love in their own battle...and it's a little girl that is the one suffering. That sweet the throws of it all. We hear it's going to be a long haul for them. We know about the long haul...the unknowns, the hospital rooms, the tubes, the tired, the endless number of procedures, and having your faith stretched until you feel like gumby. It's hard to understand all that family is enduring...words cannot contain what it is for them, I'm sure. Especially for that young girl. Unthinkable really. But I also remember the sweet presence of our Lord and what he had for us when we were there. I keep saying that to people and they look at me like I'm weird. What God has for them in the the HARD. It's the worst and the best all in one. What I mean by that is the way God sees you thru when you continually look to him. Psalm 34:18 says "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." We've all heard that verse before...maybe so much so that we breeze right past it. But the truth remains...He is so close to those who hurt and struggle. The circumstances our friends are in might not be what we want for them, but they are being held and carried by THE Everlasting arms...and there is no better place in all this world than that. There truly can be peace in the storm when we keep our eyes on Him and not ourselves or our circumstances. If you've read their caring bridge at all, you'd know what I mean. Their faith is an amazing testimony. Eyes.On.Him. Amazing.

If you read my blog regularly, you might have noticed I haven't written in awhile. Like I mentioned...we've been on pause...and that has included my writing. This blogging thing is tricky. It's like a one way microphone to who knows where. I sit here and type and share about my heart, my family, my faith...and I have no idea where it lands. I think we all know there are people out there who might not always have the best intentions when it comes to reading blogs and doing google searches and following people's lives. That reality hit me a few weeks ago, and I froze. I flipped the privacy switch and shut this train down. And I prayed. I'm praying still. And to be completely honest, I'm still not so sure I want us to be "out there" and available. Sharing and being open allows people a small peek into your world. I'm still trying to figure out what is best for us. We feel called to share our story, truly...there's no doubt about that. But does it need to be done in the form of this blog? That is the question we're asking ourselves. I also don't want fear to get the best of me and keep me from something God is in. So we'll see. My heart keeps writing, that much I know.

In His name, we overcome. I've been saying that to myself for a month or so now. In His NAME, we overcome... unexpected illnesses, piles and piles of medical bills, pipes bursting in living rooms, cars breaking down (cars plural), even painting kitchen cabinets (truly noteworthy) and who knows...maybe even our fears of blogging. In.His.Name.