IF: design & decor

I made it to my first IF gathering. I'm still meandering thru my thoughts on it all...there's just so much to unpack. The speakers were raw and real. I felt such a sense of community and sisterhood being there with all of those women. It's something I haven't felt quite like that before. 

I had the privilege of helping with the decor for the event, and that was a blessing in itself. Months before a friend had asked if I'd be involved. I remember hesitating, feeling unsure of what I could bring to the table...but I'm so glad I stepped up and out of my world of crazy self doubt. We met early on at a coffee shop downtown to talk about her vision. We gobbled down our lunches and chatted and prayed and before I knew it, I couldn't keep up with my sharpie. When our two hearts and minds came together, ideas just flowed. I was sketching and doodling and designing my little heart away. And I'm not talking about anything grandiose or over the top either. I was working with yarn and cans and sticks...{lol}. I made trips to Good Will for milk glass vases and old frames and used the old lace drapes that were in our house when we moved in. We did buy a bolt of burlap and A LOT of babys breath. But other than that, we didn't break the bank on decorations. 



We prayed about it a lot along the way...from our first meeting to the last moments of set up. That whatever we did and however we did it...that God would be glorified. {and oh did we mean it}. We wanted God to be in it. For women to come and be blessed and feel comfortable enough to pour out their hearts to God. Not like they were at a church or a luncheon or a function {and no offense to any of those fabulous ways to commune with God either}. We were just dreaming of something else for this thing. We wanted it to be an intimate atmosphere that whispered acceptance and grace. I'm not sure how decor in any way shape or form can do that...but I truly believe that when God is "in" something...when He shows up...it can come alive. And OH DID IT. Thank.you.Lord.

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The concept: 

Create a simple and elegant atmosphere using a collection of all things rustic and natural. 

{old wood boards, cans, twine, green & cream yarn, chunks of wood, lace, burlap, twigs, string lights, metal buckets, simple milk glass vases}

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Here was the beginnings of our string art sign. It was sort of the basis of the our whole design concept. Lyndseye's handy hubby built the pallet substrate for us. You can see my little helper there in the corner. He wanted to rip the paper and eat the nails. Eventually he ended up in baby jail. {aka the jumper}

I made a template on the computer so that I wouldn't have to measure out the nail locations. I didn't have time for that, and this sign was pretty big as it was. I've discovered that when I work, it has to be quick. Like lighting fast. The little people require snacks and hugs and tickles every 15 minutes. So sending a drawing to the local print place is just easier for me. It might be because I spent years in a design firm and that's the language I speak. However you slice it, this little template made nailing my 3 foot "I" and "F" cake.

  

This next image might help you understand WHY I can only work in 15 minutes increments. This is what my 4 year old did while I nailed the pattern down. I was working on project IF, he was working on project TENT DISASTER. You can see he's in mid jump here. Probably testing out the strength of his tent roof. {sigh...}

I tore the paper off after all the nails were in. It probably took me an hour to do the nails and the yarn. Easy peasey.

My dad even joined in on the action. He followed me thru our woods one cold afternoon and heave-hoed all the down branches and logs that fit the size and shape of my liking {what a sweet dad}. Then he even pulled out the saw and cut them in random lengths for me. I truly heart him.

I also got a little crazy and cut up old lace curtains and used them for table runners. Our original idea was to use chicken wire as a layer over the lace {it looked AMAZING) but it was just too hard to work with in the end. It wouldn't lay flat and I didn't have the patience to deal with all the sharp edges. We ended up layering a strip of black tule over the lace to get the same contrasting effect. Much easier, and still pretty I guess.

This "angel" puzzle was in one of the old frames I bought from Good Will ... I thought it was fitting that it ended up being the straight edge I used to cut the lace against. God was in the details, like literally. But we knew that with or without an angel straight edge :)

I also made two large coffee filter wreaths. I decided to dye the coffee filters light gray by soaking them in a mixture of water and black paint for a few minutes. We laid them out on tables in front of space heaters to dry. Like I always say...whatever works, people! It was somewhat time consuming gluing them all together, but mainly because I was sort of OCD about bunching them together as close as possible. I used over 1000 coffee filters in the end. Thank goodness Aldi sells them cheap!

My son Rigby wanted to be in the photo below since he helped. He stayed up late one night with me separating all the filters. I heart him too :) Who asks to be in a photo and then refuses to look at the camera??? I think I better pause here and apologize for jumping back and forth between serious design and sarcasm. Please know it cannot be helped. ;)

Since we wanted to atmosphere to be cozy and intimate, we surrounded the tables with walls of pipe and drape, basically pulling the walls of our sanctuary in. And by "we" I mean Tom...the amazing facilities guy at our church. He offered up a lot of suggestions and really helped us get everything just right.

We also used long runs of tables end to end so that it had more of a community feel. I think it helped us feel like we were all part of this thing together. Quaint and cozy, and well, just plain lovely.

And we can't forget this little man. I know he was helping his Momma behind the scenes as well :)

And here she is...Miss Lyndseye...our IF coordinator extraordinaire! We had so much fun working together on this. Seriously. I swear we were finishing each other's sentences by the end. We even accidentally wore matching shirts to set up..."twinning" as Lyn put it. So fun!

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And finally we were ready for IF:Valpo

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(photo credits to Liz Bradley and Jerry Grafton)

MOPS Centerpieces

My friend Jen and I made these little beauties a few months ago for MOPS.
Aren't they just lovely?

We used a mix of pheasant feathers, wheat grass, burlap, chunks of wood, twine, and narrow vases. All of my favorite things. Our vision was neutral and rustic, with a bit of whimsy. Oh, and cheap. ;) I think we nailed it.

Each table has a different name, inspired by our MOPS theme of "Be You Bravely". Words like...confident, daring, fearless, indomitable (Jen...she's the vocab queen), courageous, adventurous, and resolute.

*photos by the fabulous Liz Bradley

Be You Bravely.

Last year at this time life was a whole lot different. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of when Derek went into the ICU and was placed on life support. We still can't believe it's been a whole year, even though it seems like forever ago. It’s been sort of a weird week for us, not too overly emotional or anything. A few tears, of course. But mainly, just weird. It’s a little strange to look back and see ourselves in that situation. It's hard to believe that all this really happened. Derek...practically the poster boy for all things hard work and healthy...somehow ends up HERE. It broke us. I think it's fair to say not all the pieces got put back together in the original order either. We're just different now. Better in some ways, definitely. Still hurting in some spots though. It's been a rough year.

Last Friday I shared a bit of our testimony with my MOPS group at church. Our MOPS theme for the year is Be You Bravely, and months before they offered up the mic for women to give personal testimonies about times in their lives when they've had to be brave. I remember shuddering at the thought...clearly that wasn't going to be me. But over the coming weeks and months, I started to see myself up there. It would come to mind a lot when I would worship and sing...and eventually, God won. I sent my friend a message and said I would consider doing it if there was a date that worked. Of course, she came back with Friday Jan. 23...the very time Derek was sick and about to go into the hospital one year before. So I knew I had to do it. God and His timing...why does it always have to be so perfect???

I have to admit though, even though it was a stretch to speak in front of people, it was also an amazing blessing in the end. I'm so glad I did it. I cried thru it at home when I practiced on Derek, but when it came time to get up there and share, I felt peace. I read my little paper and felt relief with every word I spoke. That's God for ya. When you finally cave and give into something He's calling you to do...the fear becomes a joy. Only God.

A few people have asked me for bits and pieces of it to encourage friends of theirs. So I decided to go ahead and post it on here. Why not...if God wanted me to speak it so it could be heard, maybe He also wants me to write it so it can be read.

Like all my writing, it's written like I talk. Not perfect. Enjoy :)

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I’ll start by saying that I can’t believe I’m up here doing this. It’s been a bit of struggle for me to get myself up here. This last week I wanted to run for the hills…this is just way outside my comfort zone. BUT, with all that we’ve been thru this last year, standing in front of many of the women who fell to their knees for us in prayer, who fasted for us, who upheld us with notes of encouragement and gift baskets, who shed real tears for us and loved us thru this…how could I say no? God gave us something this past year, in all the hard and hurt and struggle…and along with that comes THIS. This testimony, this story…this opportunity to give Him glory. I’m going to try to not get caught up in too many details here…because this would go from a 15 minute story to hours long. But I do want to share some of it. God packed so much into this story that I believe some of the nitty gritty needs to be shared. To God, and Him alone, be the glory.

Psalm 39:9 says "Blessed are those who have LEARNED to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your prescence.” (emphasis mine) This is our story, the road we walked learning to acclaim Him, and how he lit the path for us.

Many of you know us, but for those of you who don’t, last year my husband Derek got very very sick. About this time last year (to the very day really) Derek’s body was shutting down and we didn’t even know it. He was poisoned and yellow and shaking with a 105 fever. He had this horrific headache; I was playing nurse at home…half wondering if I should be worried…the other half rolling my eyes about how dramatic men can be when they get sick. I thought it was the flu. But there were some odd things going on with his liver and this strange pain in the middle of his chest, right above his stomach. We had an xray and some bloodwork, nothing looked too suspicious. But a few days later we ended up in the ER in Michigan City, mainly because he was starting to act delirious and the pain in his head was becoming unbearable…he kept saying, “I think I’m dying.” I remember calling Dr. Lin and asking him if they would laugh us out of the ER for going in for a headache and fever. It’s sort of in my nature to downplay everything…

We spent 3 grueling days in the hospital before things took a turn for the worst. It’s funny because at that point, even those 3 days were enough to wear me out. I was 28 weeks pregnant at that point…and wiping down every surface I could with disinfecting wipes. Derek was literally on ice, his fever was scary high…he was shaking and moaning and rocking back and forth in his hospital bed. Nurses were coming in every hour to change his soaked sheets from the raging fevers. I remember them doubting us when we call for them to come in and change them again...they just couldn't believe it. They told us it was rare to see adults with fevers like this. It just wasn’t normal what was happening in his body. He didn’t even acknowledge people when they came to visit. That was probably the first time we thought something wasn't right. When we would sit next to him and have conversations and he would just rock back and forth and moan. But still, I wasn’t overly concerned. We were thinking flu or gall bladder. Not dying. We still hadn't realized the situation was serious. I just wanted an answer, some relief for him, for the baby in my belly to be kept safe from infection now that I was sitting for hours in the hospital. Oddly enough, the week prior I had bought a prayer journal…I know now that God had in mind for me to remember my specific prayers, my thoughts, the details…so that I could share them with you. So that I could tell His story of deliverance. I’m so thankful for that.

That first week Derek was so sick that he doesn’t even remember being in the hospital. After those 3 grueling days, he was sent to the ICU and was placed on a ventilator. That changed everything. I went from nursing my sick hubby and standing beside him, to standing alone. And that is hard to explain to you. I never realized what a complete unit we were...how much I depended on him...until I couldn't look into those eyes of his anymore. That’s one of the craziest parts about all of this for me. I laugh about it a little, that I must have really needed some “work” done on this heart of mine. For me to be the one to have to carry it all, to be put in the most stressful situation possible, alone…having to speak for Derek and realizing that I was now the sole able bodied parent. To have my husband dying, to have two little kids at home who just wanted to see their dad, to be pregnant, to have the man made the money --- not making any. We just bought a new house. We had lived in it for less than a month. We were a week away from our first house payment and suddenly had no income. It was winter, freezing cold winter. It’s an old farmhouse in the country…one we had dreams of fixing up. The roof was leaking in a spot, the heating bill was a mortgage in itself, we were in the middle of a bathroom renovation, we even had to keep the water running so the pipes wouldn’t freeze. This was a lot for me to carry alone. I remember lying in bed the first night he was put on life support and staring at the ceiling and wailing from the deepest spot in my soul. "God…this life doesn’t work without Derek in it. This house. This family. This unborn baby. These two little kids who keep asking for their daddy. What do I do with it all if he’s not here? How do I explain to these kids that their daddy isn't coming home?" I couldn’t understand the timing of it all. "God, really???" But there was my Derek, literally dying before me. He was unconscious, on a breathing machine, we found out that his body was septic…all of his major organs were basically shutting down. No tests were explaining any of it. They couldn’t find a source. It did not look good.

That was day 4 you guys. Little did I know there 5 or so more months of madness ahead.  Each day FULL of unbelievable details and the stretching of our faith beyond what we thought imaginable. This is why I know that it was GOD that held all the pieces together. Only God. He truly is Sustainer. Comforter. A Refuge for the weak.

I’ll give you the rest of the story in fast forward… 

We transferred Derek to Northwestern, I lived in a hotel with Derek’s sisters and mom right across from the Hospital. Those were precious times for us together…all of us, wife, sisters, mother… we sat in silence next to him for days and hours…we watched the machines, we prayed, we sang, we cried, we laughed. We stared at the walls. They made me eat. They would ask me what I wanted. I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t taste food. So they would bring me smoothies. They bought every meal for me for weeks. I never carried my purse, just a bag with tissues and my bible. I couldn't handle little tasks like that. I could only pray and sit there. So they took care of me. I spent every hour I could in that hospital room until Pastor Mark told me I probably shouldn’t do that anymore. Friends came and sat with me. The waiting room was always full of family and friends. People brought food. And with that they brought us hope and community and legs to stand on. I got text messages from friends with verses that I devoured. I rarely responded but I lived on their words. I remember walking those halls, up and down, praying as I walked. Smiling at all the staff…they always gave me these eyes…the I feel for you eyes. I guess I sort of stuck out like a sore thumb. I was the crazy bible pregnant lady who sang annoying Christian music to her medical mystery of a sick husband. They referred to him as a medical fascinoma. It was like the extended movie version of the tv show HOUSE, but no one was a jerk. The doctors were amazing. Humble. Kind. A few times my best friend brought my kids up to see me at the hotel room. It was another horrible and heartbreaking reality that wore heavy. My kids. They missed us. They didn’t understand. They went from seeing mommy and daddy every day to not seeing us for weeks at a time. It was so hard to let them go. To not know what their days entailed, to know their hearts were breaking for hugs and cuddles and for home. I knew they were in good hands with my best friend Michelle. But still...it was hard. When she brought them for a visit at the hotel they were strangely uncomfortable with me, my own kids. Rigby, my then 3 year old, warmed up after a bit. I remember him crying when it was time to leave. He couldn't understand why he couldn't stay with me. My 5 year old though...she was a different story. She gave me hollow hugs and wouldn’t look me in the eye. That tore thru my heart. But there was nothing I could do. When it was time for them to leave, I would fall to the floor and wail the moment the door closed. I felt like I lost Derek and my kids. It was a lot. Then I would peel myself off the floor, take a deep breath and rush back to the hospital. I couldn’t bear to not be there.

Derek spent two weeks on the ventilator. Then came weeks and weeks of procedures and tests with him suffering thru it. We’d move from one hospital room to another…and still no answers. By the time we left the hospital in the very end, we had been in 9 different rooms, he had lost 40 lbs. and he looked like death. He could barely stand. He needed a walker. He was so weak. Skin and bones. Eventually we started asking to leave...and finally reluctantly, they let him go. He was home about two weeks and ended up back in the hospital with chest pains. We spent another week there and found out he had a heart defect and giant aneurism and needed open heart surgery as soon as he could survive it. They gave him 6 weeks to heal and gain strength and he also had to undergo an aggressive round of  IV antibiotics. We went home again. We could barely stand our kids…we had lost all patience. They were overly excited to show off and be around us and we had just spent over a month sitting in a quiet room, alone together staring at the wall. We were at our wits end. Two weeks later I had c-section. It was funny because at that point, neither of us were medically released to pick up the infant seat. It was interesting. We had no choice but to keep accepting help. We screwed around with IV poles and had home nurses and tried to adjust to having a newborn and both of us recovering from our hospital stays. It was like a bad joke. Derek went in for open heart surgery when our baby was 4 weeks old. I lived at a hotel again. This time, I brought my kids and my amazing friends and family cared for them so I could be by Derek’s side during the day and tuck my kids in at night. I was so thankful for that. I needed them there. All of them. My friends and my children.  After that last week in the hospital, we came home. We had a lot of healing to do. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. We had just been thru the shadow of death. Like literally. We had to try to figure out how to live life again as a family. It’s taken an army of loving family and friends and our church to get us here. Lots of tears. Lots of prayers. Lots of undeserved grace sent our way.

There are so many more stories wrapped into this of how God carried us thru this…the nurses Derek prayed with, the pregnant doctor that God brought along thru a schedule switch who went out of her way to share her faith with me and make sure I had a plan in place in case I went into labor, how hard it was/is for me to find my voice and share and write…the times Derek broke down and just lost it, what God did in our marriage, our friendships, our FAMILY. We had to learn to live without answers. Give up our plans. I had to quiet my soul and bow before God and truly trust Him with whatever the outcome would be. It was hard. Humbling. And it's something we're still working thru. God is not done with us yet. I read once to "never put a period where God has placed a comma..." So so true.

It’s crazy to me how MUCH God blesses us in the craziest and most painful of circumstances. How you can go from thinking you know the Lord and his goodness to this ridiculous deeper place of well, just...MORE. There will always be more for us to learn. An ETERNITY of glory awaits us my friends, and even then we won’t know it all. ? A friend shared this quote with me a few months ago…it’s too perfect not to share. 

“Lord, I crawled across the barrenness to you with my empty cup...if only I had known you better, I’d have come running with a bucket.” (Nancy Spiegelberg).

People have commented a lot on my faith thru this. Asking how I held it all together. My answer to that, to be honest, is that left to myself, I’m not brave. I cower in the corner and shake. But Christ in ME, that’s what kept me on my feet. That, and an amazing support system and a ton of people praying.

I do want to share a few other things, maybe more tangible things with you on HOW I survived last year. These are things that I did by the grace of God. My hope in sharing these is that somehow they might make a difference for one of you.

#1 Community. 

I allowed people to come alongside. To take my kids. To pay my house payment. To come into my undecorated, imperfect home. I let them cry with me. I’ve had to learn to take encouragement from others. In fact, before all of this, I can think of only one person I really allowed to do that, my best friend Michelle. Normally I’m the one dishing out verses and encouragement and upholding the people around me, it’s part of my gift, truly, but it also had become a sense of pride.Through this I’ve learned to leave a little room for others to do the encouraging and I’ve been blessed to shut my mouth and listen. This situation could have been the end of me/of us without this community of women and believers. I’ve learned that brave is better, and even possible, together.

#2 Comb your hair. 

Every morning when my husband was on his death bed, I did something I don’t normally do every day. I took a shower. I did my hair, I lathered this whole body with lotion, I put make up on. These are things I don’t do everyday…and I know it sounds like corny advice…but I think a big part of me keeping it together was that I didn’t let myself fall apart. I took better care of myself because I knew I was in a fragile state. Every morning I forced myself out of bed and I sang and cried my heart out in the shower. Then I wiped the tears away and did my best to do the next thing. Could I have survived without the showers? Of course. But I don’t think I would have felt as good doing it. The point of this advice, from my perspective, is to not lose yourself in a situation. Give yourself a fighting chance and comb that hair.

#3 God’s word. 

I used it like a weapon. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I put on the belt of truth and I took up the sword of the spirit, which is God’s word…(Eph6) and I did battle with darkness and fear. 1John 4:18 says  “Perfect love drives out fear.” Years ago, in a different hard spot in my life, I started memorizing books of the bible. I hid it away in my heart. And when Derek got sick, it again became my hiding place and in a way like my own personal arsenal. I would repeat scripture to myself, in the quiet of my heart and mind, when I didn’t think I could I could bear it anymore {yes, a bit like a crazy person...but whatever works}. The book of James is what kept coming out. It was on repeat, and I had it with me everywhere I went because it was in my heart. There were moments when I was literally cowering in chair in the corner of the room, and God would bring scripture to mind. So I would speak it out loud, and the fear in the room, in our hearts, would disappear. Perfect love casts out fear. When Derek was first put under, I was actually scared of him. He was like a monster almost. Just ask his sister Linda, she sat with him thru some of the worst of it. He would sit up and flail and try to fight himself free from the restraints and tubes. I could barely stand to be in the same room, and yet, he needed me to be. It was horrible. I felt stuck, trapped. But then I started reading and speaking scripture to him whenever an attack would come on, and his soul would quiet. I kid you not. By God’s grace, I clung to His word and it upheld me. It was honestly like God’s word was crazy light, piercing thru the hurt and the dark and the circumstances we were in. There’s power in God’s word. It’s something you can use.

#4 Worship. 

I worshiped every day. I sang my guts out to God. I could barely contain myself.  Every day I would have praise music on in the hospital room, the shower, in the background of my mind. I would sing to Derek when he was unconscious and then later when he was awake. Sometimes even nurses sang along. I remember one nurse came in and said every room should have music on like this. When Derek woke up from his sedation one of the first things he asked me if I had praise music playing. He said he could hear it. He was in a scary dream being unconscious like that, and he said he could hear the music and he would hold onto it, look for it. 

A friend gave me a book called the Prayer That Changes Everything (Stormie Omartian). It’s about worship. God used this quote to get me singing. 

“Sometimes praise and worship will be the only thing you can do in a situation. You will stand and praise God while the tornadoes of life swirl around you, and you will see God move on your behalf. And then you will understand the hidden power of praise. When you understand that concept, it will change your life. It’s not your saying I’ll give it everything I got and the Lord will bless it, but rather, it’s the Lord saying to you, You just bless my name, and I”ll give it everything I have. That’s the hidden power of praise.” 

There’s a simple song I'm loving right now called My God and King (All Sons and Daughters). A dear sweet friend sent it to me. These words explain it perfectly. “I will sing sing sing to my God and King…until all else fades away.” And believe me, it works. Worship takes our eyes off our circumstances and puts them back on God. It makes the impossibly hard, bearable.

I have pages of bible verses jotted down that I could share, but there’s one that keeps coming to mind here lately. It’s Hebrews 12:2 “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…” Only God could come up with something so crazy and use it bless us. He IS Author. He takes what Satan thinks will ruin us and He flips it, and somehow in the end, it becomes that thing that MAKES us. He IS Perfector.

Lots of you have stories just like this. Even my story, is not only mine, it’s not about me by any means. Derek has his own journey wrapped into this, his mom has a different perspective as a mom watching her son suffer, his sisters, and even many of you. God used this one thing to do many amazing things in many hearts. He does it ALL the time. No story is any better or any worse. What we went thru trumps nothing. You can’t compare. You just can’t. That is one thing I pray I will always be sensitive to. What my best friend Michelle learns at home as she mommies seven kids, what God did in Linda’s life thru the loss of a husband, what God is doing in some of your lives thru hard marriages and lost little ones, and sickness... God is Author and He is perfecting each of us with our own path. All of our stories are amazing testimonies, not just mine. They’re not meant to point to us, they’re meant to point us to HIM.

Just say Yes!

I write a lot of blog posts, but I publish very few. There seems to be this constant narrative in my heart. It's something I fight, probably daily. Finding the time to sit here and willingly tap away at these keys is hard for me. [Emphasis on willingly.] I've been blogging for a good six years, mostly just about my kids, and it's never been something I've thought twice about. My tone is usually lighthearted and dipped ever so slightly in sarcasm. It fits. It's easy. Our life is messy and funny and somehow still not at all interesting...so the sarcasm helps :) But slowly, God has been doing something with this blog and with me. I've been opening up about my heart and my walk with the Lord. And THAT has not been easy. 

A few years ago I felt a small nudge to take a chance and use these gifts I've been given. To write to encourage...to point people to Him. To be open and real about what God was really doing in this life and heart of mine. It was spotty...but here and there I ventured to share my faith on this blog. And then earlier this year when Derek got horribly sick, the flood gates opened so to say, and my heart spilled out. And the small voice I was hearing turned into a megaphone...and I could no longer keep my heart quiet and safe in the comfortable. You see, I have this icky part about me. People pleasing. It has something to do with wanting to be liked and pride. With people who know me - I have no problem sharing truth and challenging them and being true to who I really am. But in public, in work, on social media...I tend to be someone who doesn't like to step on toes or offend...who will gladly hold my tongue about my faith to be liked, to be cool, to blend in. [ew]. But God used those hard times and desperate moments when Derek was sick to tear me wide open and change that about me...hopefully forever. And so here I am, trying to listen to this strange calling and write and share and be uncool. There is a story here, one that I know the Lord is asking me to tell. And no, it's not earth shattering, not by any means. And I think, in part, that's what makes this so hard. I realize that I'm not a writer or a preacher or that person who comes up with those lists...you know...like 10 things you need to do this year or 5 things you should never say to your kids. Those are great, but those are not me. My story unfolds daily. I'm not polished, and I don't have intentions here for online greatness and fame and thousands of followers. I'm much more comfortable with the opposite. I'd rather be quiet, unwritten and unread. But God has other plans for this life of mine. This I know.

I've been reading Love Does by Bob Goff.  I bought two copies, then I got two more from some dear friends as gifts. I think it's fair to say God wants me reading this book! I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in a sovereign God, one who works in the every day, thru these things we're more comfortable calling "coincidences" than God working. So when four copies of a book end up on my doorstep, I know it's time to start reading it :) 

Bob's stories...oh they're good. Grab a copy if you can...or borrow one of mine...lol. Last night I finished the chapter JUST SAY YES. It's definitely inspiring me to say yes to what God is asking me to do..."to lean in toward what is unfolding and say yes". That's probably one of the reasons I'll take a chance and hit the publish button on this blog post today.  

"Am I the right guy? I don't know, but I'm the guy being asked, and the last thing I want to do is miss an opportunity or make God mad, so I just keep saying yes. Maybe God is doing some inexplicable things in your life. Each of us gets to decide every time whether to lean in or step back--to say yes, ignore it, or tell God why He has the wrong person."

Bob was referencing Moses before this little morsel. How God chose Moses to lead, but Moses didn't think he was the guy to do it because he's clearly not the best talker, he stutters even...there are obviously better guys for the job. But are there? Are there better people for the tasks God is asking you or me to do? Hmmmm. That hits this girl hard.

So why not take a chance and step into some unfamiliar territory if God is leading you there. [I'm telling myself this as I write this to you...but please, feel free to join in]. That's how we grow, right? Taking steps into the unknown and uncomfortable grows us and stretches us in the best ways.

This got me thinking about this year and where God has taken me. He's always doing something in us...always. Have you ever considered this? A lot of people are making resolutions right now about the year ahead. I'm sure I'll even throw a few around, it's not too hard after reading this post to guess what mine will be. But before I get to that, I'm challenging myself to look back at this year and where I've been...jotting a few notes down about what's been hard, what I've failed at, what God has taught me, how I've been blessed, how I've been humbled. Reflection. Sometimes we need a good dose of that before we go running ahead into new territory. So I'm opening books I've read and going thru the notes I've written and things I've highlighted to see what I've learned. 

What if we all did this even in the most simplest of ways...trying our best to hold on and put into practice the things we've already learned. Instead of reading more books or diving into more theology and ladder climbing to "grow"...what if we just tried doing some of things we already know about. Like even the little things, which always seem to be the big things at the end of the day anyway. Like loving the messed up people in our lives. Or maybe extending some undeserved grace. Hmmmm. Things I already know about, but don't always put into practice. All this reminds me of one of my favorites from this year...a quote from One Thousand Gifts...

"I used to think that God's gifts were on shelves one above the other, and that the taller we grew in Christian character the easier we should reach them. I find now that God's gifts are on shelves one beneath the other, and that it is not a question of growing taller but of stooping lower, and that we have to go down, always down, to get His best gifts."

See. This reflection thing is like magic. It's been taking me to the best places. Give it a try. It's way more inspiring than any resolution! 

crazed kittens and the normal chaos

This morning at about 5am I got to drag this sick and flu aching body outside in my robe and rubber boots to watch my husband climb what appeared to be a 50 foot evergreen.  I stood there at the bottom holding two flashlights in awkward positions and praying. Asking God to keep those branches strong and his feet firm...that he wouldn't die trying to save this stupid, tree climbing cat. Climbing trees on pitch black, cold mornings is never a good idea [clearly]. I'm embarrassed to even say how high he got.

Did I mention all this fuss and life risking was to save a kitten? !!!  Derek fought so hard for life this year...to see it end for a fluffy black cat named Batman...now THAT would be something. Needless to say, my precious husband and our frisky furball are still with us.

THANK.YOU.LORD.

We joke a lot around here that Derek has more than 9 lives. It's fair to say the angels God has surrounding this man are never bored. Just a few days ago he was sitting in his car unloading our overflowing mailbox when he looked up to to find a pair of headlights about to smash him to pieces. At the last second, the car made a miraculous swerve and demolished our mailbox. I have more stories...but I'm sure you get the point. We = drama.

Shortly after this chaos, I crawled back into my warm bed to finish sleeping away this sickness. Then I heard something hit our front bedroom window. I looked up...and THIS.

These windows are at least 3 feet above the ground. This cat has some serious jump. 

I think it's time we start picking better names around here. Instead of Batman, we should have named him DIRT. Just in case he's somehow personifying his name. Dirt doesn't leap from roof to roof (see below). I decided it was time to get up and go pet this crazed kitten, before she ruined any of our brand new window screens. Ugh. But by the time I got to our dining room, she was scaling those windows and ended up on the roof, jumping from one to the other. ? Well, I at least I didn't have to go far for the ladder. It was already out.

After all this madness, I decided I wasn't feeling sick anymore. The cold air had healed me. So I went out and gathered some of the branches that hit me in the face as Derek climbed his way to hero this morning. I'm using them as garland...why not? It's a fun reminder of the life we live and the creative ways God dishes out His grace. Even on flu filled Sundays when I'd rather be worshiping than climbing trees and dealing with the chaos of kids, and the flu, and crazy climbing kittens.

Nothing like some garland to adorn our deer rack. The two together just scream MAN HERO. 

I even stashed a few pieces into the top of our kitchen blinds. It's clearly not my best work, but it does make me chuckle. And it smells great :) 

So of course while I had my camera out I decided to snap a few more festive shots.

I finally hung my burlap wreath I made last year. Every little bit helps.

And this is something that's a work in progress. For the moment, this old frame is being used as photo collage for our Christmas cards (or mostly Christmas cards)...Rage's birth announcement found it's way up there too. Eventually it will be home to one of our family pictures from this year. 

Here is what is looked like before. And no I didn't scrap the artwork. This is totally my Dad, so it's now adorning his walls.

Who knows what else will be strung up around here by the time Christmas arrives. Oh what a day can bring. !

christmas and a CAMERA!

My hubby surprised me with a new camera for Christmas! ME...and a CAMERA. Need I say more? I almost feel bad for it. It's going to get wore out. Poor thing {ha}. So far I've started with the obvious subjects...my unsuspecting children. Needless to say, they allowed me only a few shots before putting their hands over their cute little faces and running in the other direction. Except for Rage. You'll be seeing a lot of him. His little monkey paws haven't figured out how to block Momma yet :)

Clearly this little guy is going to be my model of choice...

Because this one's tooth "hurts" ?

And well...this one's just NOT having it.

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SO I got busy practicing on my Christmas decorations. Talk about weird. I guess I didn't really realize our lack of decor until I started photographing it. We lost a few things in the move. The back of the moving truck actually flew open during transit and some boxes took a tumble. {booo}.

But that's okay. We've never had the money to really purchase anything fabulous anyway. I'm more about taking the odds and ends we have and just making them work. 

That's more my style...just winging it. 

Take this deer head for instance. Clearly it's high end, right? {ha} I think Derek was a little irritated that I fluffed up his "pride and joy" a bit with some ornaments. It's called making it work my dear. And this WORKS!

Then there's this cute little number. It's a soup can that I glued twigs around and then stuck a small cutting from our tree in it. {fancy, right?} A little burlap and some gold acorns stems, and voila!

I've actually been collecting twigs and cans for a fun little decor project at church...and I have to admit that I'm using more of them around here than I am saving! Seriously. I just can't help myself. I'm going to have to send the kids back out to the woods to gather some more. 

Another shot of my twig/can arrangement. Complete with dust bunnies and fingerprints -- this is my real, undusted life! You'll also see this green votive in a few pics. The kids move stuff around here on a daily basis...so there's no telling what will end up where.

The grouping in the pedestal vase keeps growing as well. It started off full of all silver ornaments, but it's been accumulating all the ones that fall off or get taken off the tree. It just keeps getting better and better, let me tell ya :)

RAGE!!!

Here's a shot of some berry stems that I stuck in a jar {why not}. And of course, a can full of twigs. And a few more twigs in the vase in the background. See...it's twig heaven around here. But seriously, go out to your yard and grab some. They're cheap...they'll fit in. Believe me!

There's the green votive again :)

The kids picked out these little trees at the dollar store so I couldn't say no. They like to contribute in the decorating process too :) The tree stems are a little wonky, but I can't win them all. Have you noticed all my stacks of books? It's sort of my latest obsession. Removing all the annoying dust covers and stacking up some beautimus book ends. {love}.

And here you go. One of my FAVORITES. Who doesn't decorate their tree with Hello Kitty sunglasses? Kids. They keep life interesting and full of the quirky best surprises.

Nothing like some garland to adorn our deer rack. The two together just scream MAN HERO. These next few photos have a story...

I even stashed a few pieces into the top of our kitchen blinds. It's clearly not my best work, but it does make me chuckle. And it smells great :) 

I finally hung my burlap wreath I made last year. Every little bit helps.

And this is something that's a work in progress. For the moment, this old frame is being used as photo collage for our Christmas cards (or mostly Christmas cards)...Rage's birth announcement found it's way up there too. Eventually it will be home to one of our family pictures from this year. 

Here is what is looked like before. And no I didn't scrap the artwork. This is totally my Dad, so it's now adorning his walls.

Here's our Santa Bell. Probably the one thing we have with meaning around here. It's a Gora tradition for the man of the house to ring this bell on Christmas morning. When the kiddies hear the bell, they can race out of their rooms to see what's under the tree. I think Derek's dad was still ringing this bell up until the day he passed it down to him. I remember that morning. It was a little teary. I guess it's sort of a rite of passage, this passing down of the Santa Bell. Years from now we'll have another one of those teary Christmas mornings when our last little one leaves the home. I guess Rigby will be the one to carry the torch.

Tradition. Don't you just love it? I do :)

And here's our tree. The star actually touches the ceiling! It's full of ornaments from our childhood and ones made by our kids and old cheesie beads and one string of burlap because I couldn't find the rest. But it sparkles and smells good and gets the job done. 

I guess my point is...embrace what you have. LOVE what you HAVE. Christmas isn't about having a perfectly decorated house or all the best things. So don't sweat it. The whole point is Jesus, right? He was perfection for us! What a relief! I'm doing my best to hold on to this truth, especially as I look around at all my Christmas decor [or lack thereof]. 

Now go gather yourself some twigs! 

chalkboard paint pantry doors

I've been working on lots of little projects over the last few months, more like the last year to be quite honest. I haven't been doing the best job of documenting them either. Time is precious and our days are FULL around here. Plus, I have dreams of a fancy camera. You know, something expensive and heavy that will capture my little creations in all their beauty. But let's be honest here...that may never happen. So, this morning I got out my cell phone and started snapping some photos to clear my mind a little. Here we go!

CHALKBOARD PAINT PANTRY DOORS

This little project happened on a whim one morning. I couldn't find the grocery list I had started and was racking my brain staring into the pantry. I decided it would be nice to have a spot near our pantry for notes and lists...for myself and my hubby. But it had to be something I couldn't lose...and notebooks and papers get strung all over this place by my kids. So I got out the ol' chalkboard paint and let Rigby have at it! And I'm so loving this. It's the little things in life :) And I find myself standing in front of my pantry regularly, just staring at it...lol...and thinking of everything I'm missing. Now my space out sessions are productive!

We're using one side for our grocery list and one for our menu...and the rest gives the kids a spot to doodle. So fun! I just snap a picture on my phone of the list before I head to the store. 

{Easy peasey}

It's actually working out pretty well. Except for the time or two that I forgot to take a pic before I left. But I just called home and asked someone else to text it to me. Yep...no more lost lists around here! 

I will say that the chalkboard markers have proved to be a challenge. They're hard to erase completely on chalkboard "painted" surfaces. I've found that using an antibacterial wipe and a little elbow grease gets the job done. It's no bother really...especially since I'm only doing it once a week.

before...a blank canvas :)

my little picaso

our weekly menu board

grocery list