It's funny because we didn't end up here in the way I would have thought...or at the time I would have thought...but I guess that just goes to show that God's timing is utter perfection and our ideas on when and where and how things happen are just that...ideas.
A few weeks before we even decided this, I was debating in my mind if I should go back to my full time position at work (even though I was already working what I like to refer to as ALL TIME... meaning technically part time, but designing at any and all hours of every day of the week). You see, when you're not in the office every day, you spend a lot of time answering messages or working from home or running into work or dropping the kids off here and there so you can make it to a meeting or training or a work function. It had just gotten to be a lot. Somehow my job had become my priority again and my family was the nuissance. I was always trying to find a way for someone to take the kids so I could go and get something done at work that had to be done asap. You know, because my work REALLY needed me. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. !
I've been trying to figure out how this happened...but looking back, I really think it was a gradual shift. I started working part time a year ago and it was such a blessing at first being at home and stepping back from my responsibilities in the design world. But as the months passed, I had slowly gotten sucked back in and taken on more responsibility because the need arose, or someone asked me to, or a certain client wanted to work with me, or because another employee moved away or quit...ERIN!!! :)
I've always felt a huge need to please people...clients, my bosses, friends, family...you name it. So when someone asks me to do something, I almost always find a way to do it, even if I don't have the time or even really want to. They need me...so I do whatever I can to help. What I hadn't thought of (and it took my husband pointing it out to me) was that I was neglecting my family and putting everyone else before them...and all of it was really unnecessary. People can always find someone else to do what needs to be done...so I don't need to break myself in half to take care of them. Not every time. Maybe sometimes since that's who I am. But not every.single.time.
Derek finally pulled me aside one night and asked me if I was "happy". If everything I was doing to stress my self out and get the job done really made me happy. He told me he loved me MOST and really wanted me to enjoy my life. And if I was working like that, then he thought I should just go back to full time and we'd get a regular sitter again for the kids so they could have some stability. But if I wasn't happy, then I should just step away and let them find someone who wants to do it all. Hmmm. An interesting idea. You mean, I don't HAVE to do it all? Seriously, him pointing out the obvious to me kicked me right in the gut...I had a huge aha moment. That's why I have a rather perfect sarcastic nickname for myself...master of the obvious.
Needless to say, I threw in the towel and quit my job. And now I have my sanity again, at least for awhile :) I am spending 168 hours a week with two toddlers. I'm sure Derek will step in again next year and point out some other deep yet obvious answer for me. :)
Here are a few pics of my first day at new job...