another wave in this storm

I wanted to give you all an update on Derek (I know, it's been awhile). We've been getting back into the routine of life...bathing kids, changing diapers, attempting to sometimes do a load of laundry or go to the store...you know, all the glamorous stuff. :\  It's been a slow road though and at times our patience has run pretty thin. I think it's just been hard for both of us since we're both on the mend now...me from my c-section and Derek from his plethora of medical mayhem. The last 3 months has just taken it's toll on us. It's crazy how we took for granted all the little things we used to do every day...it was all so much easier before. We're putting the pieces back together though, day by day really. We've actually had a lot (and I mean A LOT) of help from so many people...friends, our siblings, our church, our dads, and especially our moms. I wish we could do something to show how much we appreciate and love you all. It's so hard to be on the receiving end of all this. I'm not sure if it's guilt or pride or both...but it's hard to digest. It's definitely been humbling...that's for sure.

Most of you probably already know, but we welcomed a little baby boy into our family on April 3rd. He's so beautiful...and so so sweet. I'm so glad that God gave us this child in THIS moment of life. It's brought love and life and tenderness into the middle of all this...really keeping us from being able to focus too much on our own woes. Like I said before, God really does know what He's doing I guess :)

We named the little guy Rage Michael Gora, which I think might have surprised a few people.  Who names their kid RAGE?  Um, well, crazy people do I guess...and that's totally US. In our eyes though, life has been raging against us...this storm...this illness...all of it. I think at times it's felt to us like we're barely able to keep our heads above water, like we're treading water in the middle of the raging sea. So I guess we decided we're taking a piece of this mess with us...Rage...so we'll never forget where we've been or how we got thru it.  My brother actually sent me this verse after we had named him asking if this is where we got it from...Luke 8:24...it's when Jesus is asleep in the boat and his disciples are scared... "The disciples went and woke him, saying, 'Master, Master, we're going to drown!' He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm." I love it...it's so true...God spoke and the raging storm subsided.  Sounds familiar...that's OUR God :)

We're also on the brink of another big moment...on next Wednesday May 7 Derek is going to be having open heart surgery. We found out a few weeks after we left the hospital that Derek has a congenital heart defect that's gone un-diagnosed all these years, and is most likely the culprit in this whole debacle. After the dust settled from the first hospital stay...and by "dust" I mean respiratory failure, kidney failure, liver complications, internal bleeding, high fevers, pleural effusions, pericardial effusions, multiple blood transfusions, kidney dialysis, double pneumonia... After all THAT settled and we were back home, he started having pain and fevers again which landed him back in the hospital.  That's when they found pericarditis, endocarditis, an aneurysm and his heart defect.  Put all of that together and what do you get??? A GINORMOUS medical bill and open heart surgery :)

In all seriousness though, we've been a little teary and unsure this last week or so gearing up for this surgery. We're both nervous about this procedure and all that it entails.  It's something that gets done a lot, people bounce back from it just fine...but that doesn't make it any easier for US.  It's coming at the end of a long road and to be honest, neither of us really want him to have it done. But it's necessary for him to live...and we can't argue with that.

It's another wave in this storm...and we're really looking forward to being on the other side of all of this soon. One of my good friends sent me this song early on when Derek was still very sick... "Oceans".  It's been our heart-song as we prepare for this surgery.

Sing it and pray it with us...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBJJJkiRukY

babygora = thegoralife

Well, as most of you already know, our family has sort of been "missing" from the blogging world since the end of last year.  So much has happened since then...so much, so fast.  I'm not even sure where to begin.  I can tell you this though...my light and ever so informational baby centered blog will be probably be changing a bit. Yes, I'm totally still going to write about the kids (this is basically our life scrapbook!), but there's MORE to say now with all that's happened and is happening in our lives. We've been praying and feel led to share more of ourselves and this life God has given us.  I'm not sure if this is just therapeutic for us, a memoir so we will not forget this journey, or perhaps something God is intending to use some other way.

I've also decided to back post all of our journal entries from the Caring Bridge site that we used to update people while Derek was in the hospital.  What God was teaching us and how He was upholding us during those days and weeks are so precious to us; we want to make sure those moments are not forgotten.

Monday March 24 - Home again

We ended up spending another 5 days in the hospital but have been home again for a few days now. Whooo hoo! Derek is getting back on his feet again, and I feel like we have a little better handle on some of these ongoing issues. His doctors are following him closely and have set him up with some home nursing care which should make things a little easier and keep him HOME. We were actually laughing with some of the doctors before they set us free last week - I guess they refer to as Derek a medical "fascinoma" - mainly because nothing ever seems to quite add up with this guy. I think they want to keep testing and testing him (both for his sake and medical info). Thankfully though, they cannot argue with the size of my ever increasing baby belly and couldn't help but be sympathedic to where we are in life right now...and finally agreed to let us go! The thought of checking out of one hospital and into another is definitely not at the top of our list at the moment, but at least the conditions are a little different this time. I've been telling people how my heart and mind just are NOT ready for this baby...my focus has been elsewhere (obviously!). But here we are, about a week and half away from baby #3 and gearing up for another big life change. A few nights ago we were sitting here staring at each other, trying to wrap our minds around the fact that we'll be bringing a newborn home to all this. Honestly, ya'll must be praying for us...because today we are in better spirits and maybe even slightly excited about this baby :) It's not that we aren't truly in love this new little life God has given us...not at all. We honestly just haven't been able to let our minds go there over these last couple months.

I think this little baby's arrival is being perfectly timed by our AMAZING God...squeezing into this hard spot at just the right moment and bringing this family of mine a little taste of true JOY. 

Tuesday March 18 - Keep on Keepin' On

I have a little time alone tonight so I thought I’d share a little bit about what’s going on with us. We’re hanging in there…we keep on keeping on if that makes any sense. We might be dangling at times this week, but overall on the upswing. These past few weeks Derek’s been slowly healing and gaining strength, which has been a delight to watch. It seems like every few days I see a little more of the old Derek…that sarcastic beefcake that always keeps me on my toes...oh how I love this guy.  We ran into a few road bumps at the end of last week though, and he is back in the hospital at the moment. He’s okay…not having overnight multiple organ failure or anything like before (thank the Lord).  But some of those underlying issues that could have possibly caused all of this to begin with are rearing their gnarly little heads again.  The doctors are all over him though, which is good and bad (poor Derek…he’s pretty sick of being drilled about his medical history by teams of doctors). We’re pretty sure he’ll be able to come home in a day or two though – which we are both REALLY looking forward to. One thing we've found out is that Derek will be having heart surgery in the coming months…so he still has another hospital stay in the near future. Please be praying for his overall health to continue to improve.  We need him strong for this. These new developments have been a little hard to swallow, but we are still trusting God and His plans for our family. 

One of the things that God has been teaching me is to WORSHIP Him, even in the middle of this mess. To be able to stand in a situation that I don’t necessarily like or want and to do nothing and offer nothing but worship to God…that is truly a life changer for this girl.  Worship is not something I'm good at even on Sunday mornings...I sing and I love the words, but I can't say that this heart truly worships this God of ours in those moments.  He is working on me though...in ALL of this....and giving me a desire to praise Him. To set aside what I want in life…the dreams we have…the things we think we need…all of it.  To push it all to the side for a moment and just stand in praise to a worthy God and surrender.  It's an awesome and humbling experience.

A friend shared this song with me a week or so ago…“Though You Slay Me” by Shane and Shane.  I’ve been listening to this every day, my heart singing the lyrics to God in worship. There’s an excerpt from John Piper at the end as well that touches on the verse in 2Cor4:17...the one about our light and momentary troubles achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all…oh Amen. I worship God because HE IS GOD and THAT alone is enough really...but I'm also so thankful that He gives us more in these moments...that there is purpose in this struggle!

THOUGH YOU SLAY ME https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFDfzyaCbXc

Monday March 3 - Gaining Strength

Well, here we are...all of us in our home together...LIVING life. It's a great feeling to finally be home. Derek is doing okay, nothing major seems to be going on. He said he feels the same as he did when he was in the hospital towards the end...weak and not quite right.  But he's gaining strength every day and is definitely in a better place than he was a week or so ago! It's a little different now not having the daily bloodwork and scans to tell us if he is or isn't on the up and up. All in all, I think that's a good thing though.  We need a some room to live a little and not focus on all the negatives or possibilities of.  Derek is going to be seeing a few of the specialists that were taking care of him up at Northwestern on a weekly basis for awhile until some of these lingering issues have resolved. So hopefully, some of our questions will be answered in the days ahead.

In the mean time, you won't be hearing much from us. We're all healing here...physically and emotionally really. And we just need time. We're not sure what lies ahead for Derek's health either and that is partly why we're trying to keep visitors at bay at this point. I'm looking forward to the coming weeks when we have a little better handle on this and we can start to do life with our friends and family again. We love you all so much.

We are truly so overwhelmed and forever changed by the outpouring of love, prayers and support. It's honestly been amazing. You guys rock :)  I know there are lots of you that want to help us (even still!) and we appreciate that as well...we're actually really going to need it. If you want to help us with a meal or encourage us with a card or anything at all, please just contact Calvary Church in Valparaiso (219-462-4026). They're helping to get us thru this time...and we really need them to be the go between for us until we're able to navigate on our own again.

I'll leave you all with my favorite scripture...it's found in Psalm 73.  God always finds a way to make these verses come alive and speak to me.  And again, here I am, resting in this truth, looking ahead content with what's in store for us.

Psalm 73: 23-26
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven buy you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Wed. Feb. 26 - HOME SWEET HOME

This update will be short and extra sweet!  We were discharged from the hospital today and are now HOME.  We're a little shocked ourselves...but Derek told the doctors this morning he wanted to go home, and here we are. THANK YOU LORD!

Our plan is to lock ourselves in our house with our kids for the next few days so you won't be hearing or seeing from us anytime soon.  We also just want to put it out there that we're not ready for calls or visits quite yet.  We need time to decompress a bit.

We're so looking forward to this... :)

Love to all!

Monday Feb. 24 - 30 days and counting

I wanted to give you all a quick update since it's been a few days. Derek had another procedure to drain some fluid from his lung today. He's pretty sore tonight and will probably be for the next few days. As far as we know, they do not plan to send us home quite yet. But Derek is getting there, praise God :) It could be days or a week, we do not know. I'd love for someone to walk in tomorrow and send us packing, but my guess is that won't be the case. Each day is different here as I've said before, now with little things popping up that need to be looked into (we're glad to have moved on to the little, not big things at this point!). Needless to say, the doctors are really being careful with him since the initial cause of his health issues is still unknown.

Today was our 30th day of Derek being in the hospital. I remember calling our family doctor at 5am the morning I took him to the hospital and asking if he thought the people in ER would laugh at us and send us home (in my mind, I was taking him in for a fever and a headache). Thankfully our doctor encouraged us to go...otherwise who knows what would have happened in the next day or so. 

I'm also SO thankful for the doctors and nurses at the St. Anthony's Hospital in Michigan City. The nurses that took care of us on our patient floor when we first got there were so on top of his needs...and that was before the wheels fell off the bus and he needed critical care. I think we had them running in every hour because of the crazy problems he was having. That was actually a very hard week for Derek, he was very sick...so sick that he doesn't even remember being there at all. The last thing he remembers is patting Rigby on the head that morning we left and telling him not to cry. We also had quite a few really great doctors running tests and working on Derek while we were there in the ICU, and they were the ones who kept him ALIVE during his rapid decline. We've had doctors at both hospitals tell us what a rare case a Derek is...mainly because he was a completely healthy and strong man who got very sick, very quick with no idea what started it all. So anyway, I just wanted to put that out there. There are two hospitals that we owe Derek's life to...and we're grateful to both.

Sat. Feb. 22 - Still HERE :)

Well, we're still HERE. I have to admit we're getting a little sick of these same 4 walls. Sometimes I still find myself shaking my head that we're even here at all. But as always, our eyes turn back to our God, knowing He has a plan.  Derek's condition is the same, nothing new. We feel close to going home, but have a few more days here...with these same 4 walls...sigh.

It's hard to imagine what the days ahead will be like, especially when we get home. That almost seems like a whole other journey in itself. It's going to take Derek a long time (like months) to recover from this. We're not sure what the future holds for his health, his job, our new home, this baby arriving in 5ish weeks; there are a lot of unknowns for us right now. I guess there always are those unknowns out there though...we sure never saw this coming. We talk a lot about 2 days before he got sick, and one day before or even just the month before when we closed on our new house. It's just strange to look back and think we had all these plans...and this whole storm was just waiting for us. I'm not sure why or who or where this storm came from...nor do we even care. The truth is that we have a Savior who loves us and carries us and is "...our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea..." Psalm 46:1-3. We have hope, a real and living hope, who loves us more than we even love ourselves. CRAZY, right?

Actually, I'm sure to many of you, we do sound crazy...a little over the top about all of this God stuff. But that's ok, this is who we are and what we believe in. Many of you reading this know Derek and I from way back, back in the days before God was even part of our vocabulary...lol. Clearly a lot has changed since those days...but in our eyes, we're still the same kids from Boone Grove and Bremen. Our entire personalities didn't change the moment we gave our lives to God, and we haven't forgotten who we are or where we came from. All of that is a part of who we are and what God has used to make us unique new creations in Him. I heard a Pastor say once that our pasts may "explain" us, but they do not DEFINE us. We are defined by our savior, Jesus Christ...and His perfect life...and that's a relief (especially if you know anything about me or Derek)!

We're just people that felt the tug of God on our hearts, and by His grace, we're giving it ALL to Him. I can still remember reading those verses in Romans that God used to make me His own...I remember reading these verses and crying out to God to show himself to me, to change me. And HE DID. And that is how, in this situation, I know nothing can separate me from his love, nothing and no one can stand against us and win. The battle is already won in My Jesus, no matter what circumstances life brings our way.

"If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ... Christ Jesus, who died--more than that, who was raised to life--who is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:31-39

Financial gifts

Many of you have asked how and where you could make a financial gift to help Derek and Dannette.  Our church, Calvary Church, has set up an account within the church specifically for them.  The attached link at the bottom of the page will take you to the website for online donations.  Select "other fund" on the category drop down menu, make sure you designate it to go to them in the "note".  Also, you could mail a check directly to the church, make sure to specify that it's for them in the memo line.

Thank you,
Linda

Calvary Church
1325 Evans Avenue
Valparaiso, IN  46383
http://www.calvaryweb.net/ 


Online giving:
https://monkdonate.com/8/d/0848c8e8 

Thankful for your prayers

Thinking today on how much I wanted to let everyone know how much I (we) are so thankful for all the prayers on behalf of Derek. I am so touched by all of your uplifting words, your encouraging words, your words of love and concern for Derek and also for Dannette. As Dannette has already said.....it's hard... but it is so comforting to read Scrpture verses that you post; reminders that God is near and will never leave us or forsake us. We know He holds Derek in His hands and has already done an amazing work in him....and for that we give praise, glory and honor to our Lord..... "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25 ....But as for me, it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works." Psalm 73:28.  THANK YOU all again, more than you can know. ~Maureen